So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
