You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
