He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He passed out mid-signature
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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