cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
