I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
