Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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