I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
