My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
