so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
