I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
