Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
