When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My ass is underappreciated
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
