My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
