"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
