I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Randomize
