Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
