Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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