He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
