I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
im holly from the hills drunk
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
