Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
