i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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