i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
