And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
