Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
