this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
