No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
