i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
