You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
