I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
