First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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