I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
