I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
