And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
