i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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