I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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