I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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