shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
