i can't believe i had my finger in that
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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