She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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