just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
