you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
