If i come over, it means nothing
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
