We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize