Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
