He disabled his match.com account in front of me
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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