just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
