Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
