so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
