Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
