sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
