Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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