I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think my vagina is haunted
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
