Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
