***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
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