dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
