it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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