come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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