I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
