you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she told me i tasted like america
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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