Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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