it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
