Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize