I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
