I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
