I wannas sexs uuuuu
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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