I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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