I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
