I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
