So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Randomize
