I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
