Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
