I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize