I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
