Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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