Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I am spending my child support on dildos
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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