are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
