im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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