APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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