I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
