Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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