I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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