proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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