I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
