We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
