wakey wakey hands off snakey
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
