There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
