Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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