yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
