I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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