My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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