Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
