I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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