I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
