i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
