So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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