remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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