Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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