I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
